how about an appearance on Kimmel or Fallon Live?????
Portland, OR--please? Please?
Guy's that squeeze too hard are the worst. You just wanna punch them in the face and say "how'd that feel??"
My teacher asked , "if you could be any animal what would it be". I said, "a bird". She said, "why so you can fly?" I said, " no so my SHIT can be white!" lmao
I hate shaking hands too. stupid thing to do.
Hell yea come to Pittsburgh.
It's been too long! Bring Steven Wright Tour to Pittsburgh!
I'm with Sarah Zabolotny-Helmick (not literally, though she seems like a very nice girl and anyone would be lucky to be dating her and she has beautiful eyes - but I digress....). You are the funniest man in America and the greater Wheeling West Virginia area needs a concert in the worst way. Please drive down in your house immediately. We're open 24 hours - but not in a row.
you are amazing. I've always wondered what it would be like to talk with you. Your IQ has to be above 170!
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
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