Gopher 2.0

Telepocalypse is delighted to announce its own industry thought-leading conference to which everyone is cordially invited.

Gopher 2.0 will bring together the latest developments in information technology, finance, and the art of blowing large soapy bubbles.

Scheduled speakers include:

• Mary Dairy of Microsoft on how rebooting your PC will be even quicker with the next generation of Windows, bringing untold joy to millions of consumers.
• Jack! Stack! of Yahoo! will demonstrate how to build a home page with an infinite number of embedded links using their new “Aleph One” technology.
• A keynote by Tim Berners-Lee on why the teaching of semantic markup is an education priority for all elementary school children (“Reading, Riting, Rdfing”).
• Hu R Yu of Google Research will demonstrate their Loginulator, an automated keyboard add-on that will self-press your name, address, user name and password at the press of a single hot button!
• A panel on “How Gopher 2.0 makes the Internet safe and convenient for everyone.” (Sponsor: Terminix — Your Pests Are Our ProblemSM).



• A round-table discussion on whether anyone’s mother will ever bother with using any of this stuff. (Attention: For security reasons, no mothers will be admitted to this session.)

Evening entertainment will be provided by the modern disco troupe AJAX, who will perform there recent hit “My back is broken!” from their breakthough album “Where art thou, O spellcheck?”.

The attendance fee is US$4999 per head (reduced to $4998 for pre-IPO companies).

We look forward to seeing you at the Ryugyong Hotel, Pyongyang, North Korea on 29-30 February, 2006 to celebrate our 2005 record conference sales human global interconnectedness.

UPDATE: We apologise that we were unable to have any speakers from the mobile operator community attend, as they were all too busy serving their two billion actual paying customers.

UPDATE: Further speakers wishing to raise their profile with prospective future employers should please write to the conference organisers as soon as possible, including their resumé and enclosing a small amount of equity in a start-up of our selection.